50 Shades of Meh

Two british female authors top the best selling fiction lists, so why does one set of their works me feel so uncomfortable?

I haven't read any of the '50 Shades of Grey' book and I am even less inclined to see the film.  When the books came out they were a phenomenon.  Women sat on trains, tubes and buses, openly reading this soft porn.  They then discussed the book at length in the office, in pubs, on social media sites, in news interviews and on daytime television shows.  It was everywhere, but to me it was everywhere like a bad rash you really should keep covered up and pretend to move to a different town so you don't have to face your own GP.  It was the ubiquitous aspect of it that put me off, the constant debate, the surprise from female friends and relatives that some of us didn't want to read it, the assumption that not reading it meant you were uptight and prudish.  

I was also unemployed at the time, so spending money on a book I might not enjoy was a luxury I couldn't afford.  Even when I am employed, I use the library or second-hand bookshops and charity shops for most books.  Soft porn isn't on my shopping list even when purchased with 'no previous owners'.  It most definitely will never, ever be on my shopping list as a secondhand item - prudish and a little bit OCD. 

My reticence wasn't just about wanting to withstand the barrage of social pressure or my lack of willingness to part with what little spare cash I had.  I also objected, and still do, to what seemed like double standards.  Feminists have campaigned to rid workplaces of calendars depicting partially or completely naked women.  People have protested in parliament about a newspaper having a regular feature of a topless young girl, so is it equality for women en masse to all read and rave about a soft porn book or is it a little bit hypocritical?  


The subject matter also bothers me.  The books, from what I can understand, are based on dominance and control in a relationship.  I don't think that is healthy in any relationship.  I have seen for myself the damage that a controlling relationship can do to a person.  You watch someone whom you thought of as strong and independent be gradually moulded into a puppet, handing over control of their lives and finances, turning away from friends and family, telling nyone else who questions them that it is their life and their choice and others are clearly jealous.  Most of us would agree that this is an unhealthy and dangerous relationship.   Why then is domination and control when depicted as consenting adults indulging in fantasy sex somehow OK?  Is it too far fetched to assume that someone who dominates, bullies and controls in the bedroom got their partner to that level of submissiveness by bullying them generally?  I haven't read the book, so I am possibly in no position to judge it, but I don't have to read it to know that the subject matter makes me feel uncomfortable.  I can say one thing, I have never heard one person who has read it say that it was well written, in fact most say the opposite, which further puts me off reading it. 

Nobody bullied or controlled the author into writing this book.  She wrote it from her own imagination, therefore I suspect that I am thinking too much, it her fantasy and in writing about it, she is appealing to millions who are happy to share it.  It has made her a multi-millionaire.  Sex sells.  If ever anyone manages to write 50 Shades of Harry Potter, it will probably sell out worldwide in the first hour.  I don't think I am particularly prudish, but equally I don't care if others do think that.  I don't object to the books, the film or the sales, I object to the need for every reader to share their experience of reading it with every other reader ... and by doing so with quite a few of us who are determined not to read it.  I suspect that if the mainstream media and our male colleagues and friends were as openly discussing soft porn targeted at a male audience, it would cause outrage.  We want equality, shouldn't we want it on all levels?