About Me
- Vivienne
- The older I get, the more cynical I get. It is not a fact I am proud of, but it is a fact. I disbelieve just about everything the establishment and the media tell us. I am convinced that we are manipulated into being the submissive, law-abiding robots that we have become. It grieves me greatly.
Friday 2 October 2015
Conversational Dysentery
Why sit in peaceful silence on a train when you can ruin everyone's journey with one telephone call? Short informative calls such as 'my train is late' or 'I've left the cat in the oven' are hardly worthy of the title 'telephone call'. Nothing less than 10 minutes of self-centred, loud drivel will do.
It is best to avoid making these calls during the morning commute. There will be too much competition from city gits trying to pretend they have an important job by calling a colleague and spouting cliches interspersed with their industry's vernacular. Your call will get lost and, when it comes to irritating your fellow passengers, it's hard to compete with acronyms.
Pick a daytime or evening train for maximum impact. Whether you want a less populated train or a crowded evening train is a matter of personal choice. With less passengers, you will have a smaller audience, but your voice will carry more so everyone in the carriage will hear you. On a more crowded train you do get a bigger audience, but there is a chance that not everyone will be hanging on your every word, and your voice won't carry so far. More people around you does also increase the chance that you may be physically assaulted by a passenger who can no longer take the crime against intelligibility that you are undoubtedly committing. The ability to enrage your fellow passengers also definitely improves with age. It is almost as if travellers expect teenagers to indulge in puerile conversation, but they will be far less tolerant of middle-aged callers, so the older you are, the quicker you will annoy everyone around you.
During the call your topics of conversation are unlimited. There is no aspect of your dull, witless life that is too trivial to be shared with your audience. The hour you spent choosing an outfit for a friend's party - share it, and don't shy out of sharing it in a real time replay. The interrupted sleep your had because your child had a bad dream, followed up with the time you spent before work wondering whether you should send the child to school or keep them home, needs relaying at length. The conversation you had with your sister-in-law when your brother was out of the room which shows what a cow she is and how he really doesn't see it, requires a verbatim account to really do it justice. Your tale about how your best friend's other friend is now really your secret best friend because your first best friend is actually a real bitch (which probably means she now has a new boyfriend and less time to listen to the minutiae that makes up your life) is a tale that has to be told. What you and your friend think of your football team's latest signing - conversational gold. Where you went last night should only be shared if you also include all the places you were thinking of going and all the reasons why you didn't, followed by an account of every alcoholic drink you and all your friends had and the effects it had on you.
If you are worried that you won't have enough to say during the call, you could try a novel activity which other people have found to be useful during telephone calls, listening. To do this successfully, you let the other person talk for a short while until something they have said reminds you of another crap detail of your dreary existence, then you jump in, talk over them and get the conversation back to you. If this takes you a while, which it might when you first start making long telephone calls from trains, you can acknowledge what the other person is saying by repeating the same word over and over again in different tones and with different inflections. For example 'No! (loudy and excited) ....... nooooo (disbelieving) .... no (laughing) ....... no (completely incredulous'.
Don't be concerned that a long conversation needs a lot of words. Nobody will think any the less of you for using filler words, train talking was made for filler words. The most common ones are 'like', 'basically', 'literally' and 'actually'. Working all these into one short sentence is very effective and adds extra emphasis to everything you say. You can further enhance your turgid gibberish with filler phrases. Again there are many in common usage if you are not up to creating your own - and the less imaginative you are, the quicker you reach the goal of annoying all other passengers. The most common are 'know what I mean', 'you know', 'I'm not being funny right' and the timeless classics 'at the end of the day' or 'end of'. It doesn't work so well if you use more than one of these phrases. Your listeners will get the most out of your imparted wisdom if you stick to one and repeat it with alarming frequency. The world record is currently held by a commuter on the 17.52 out of Cannon Street who in just one call used 'know what I mean?' 37 times. Don't be fooled into thinking that as you have used a question you must await an answer. Of course nobody knows what you mean. How could they when you are talking complete bollocks. Remember that you are only using these terms to extend call times.
By the time you are a few minutes into the call, you can judge how well you are performing by the looks on the faces of your fellow passengers. If it is anything less than extreme irritation, you need to improve your performance. Remember, no aspect of your day or week is too insignificant to be shared. In comparison to the activities you are describing in that one call, an evening of acapella karaoke with Trappist monks will seem enticing. Once you really get into your stride, you can have your fellow passengers rocking in their seats, with ears bleeding in pain, shrieking 'shut the f*ck up' within minutes.
The etiquette of how you address the person you are calling was set down years ago in the 'Manual for the Mindless'. You are allowed to use the person's name only at the beginning of the call, after that you must use a cliched term of endearment. It cannot be a nickname or a shortened version of the person's own name. Common terms are 'bruv', 'babe' and 'hon'. Again, don't fall into the trap of bringing anything idiosyncratic or unique to the call. It's attraction is in its complete mind-numbing tedium.
Ending the call is an art form. If you take anything under three minutes to wind up the call, you've let yourself down, you've let the inventor of the mobile phone down, you've let the dull and the unimaginative down. Start off by posting a teaser such as 'I'll call you later' or 'I've got to go now' to tease your audience. When you feel that sufficient numbers of your fellow passengers have breathed sighs of desperately grateful relief, that is when you bring them crashing down with another thirty seconds of blathering, before your next 'ending the call' teaser. Once you have done this at least four times, you may then say goodbye in a multitude of ways for at least thirty seconds before actually ending the call. You will add an extra nuance to the irritation factor if you finish by saying 'see you in a bit' emphasising that you have just drilled your voice into your fellow passengers brains whilst calling someone you live with.
It is very important that you plan your call according to your journey so that you are not cut off by a long tunnel or a stretch of low mobile phone coverage. You are not going for mere verbal diarrhoea, nothing less than conversational dysentery will suffice. If you find yourself still a long way from your destination with time and battery to spare, feel free to make another call to someone else. The nearer it is in content to the first call, the better the impact.
Sunday 20 September 2015
Radio days
Last week Ipsos Mori asked me if I would keep a radio diary for a week. I agreed readily as I love listening to the radio.
Even agreeing to do the survey made me realise how much less I now listen to the radio. I had bought a DAB radio, but it has proved to be a complete waste of money because it completely failed to find most radio stations. The reception on my stereo is also poor, so I have ended up listening to radio only via the telly or in the car. I used to listen to morning radio a lot via my phone when I had a Sony Ericsson phone, but have found reception and sound not as good on newer android phones. There is also the issue of needing headphones to have the radio on, and I seem to lose them or break all headphone sets with alacrity.
It was tempting to immediately go back to my old habits for the purposes of the survey, but I didn't. Being naturally paranoid, I am worried that such a survey is being carried out by the BBC or the government as part of a move to justify cutting out many of its radio stations, so I was tempted to skew the survey by spending the week listening to as many BBC stations as possible. However it was easier and more honest to just do what I would normally do and record that. It has made me realise how few stations I now listen to and how I can go entire days without listening to the radio.
I used to listen to the radio every morning. I cannot cope with breakfast television, so much noise and primary colour that early in the day makes me feel a bit light-headed. Breakfast television is like coffee, everyone else does it, I just don't understand why; give me radio and a cup of tea. When I gave up on the useless DAB radio, I listened on my phone via wi-fi, or a radio app but the sound was poor and searching around every morning for a pair of headphones to plug in for the app to work drove me mad. Yes a tidy, organised person would know exactly where the headphones were, but then I would not be me would I.
Eventually I just gave up. After a week of filling in the radio survey, however, I realised how much I was missing out on. Since I was a small child, the radio had been part of my daily routine and yet at some point in the past few years, it has become a weekend luxury.
Before my brother and I got our own radios, mum was in charge of our radio listening, so we had Terry Wogan and Jimmy Young on in the day and Ed 'Stewpot' Stewart at weekends. No Sunday was complete without the radio on whilst mum roasted a joint of meat and boiled the life, vitamins and taste out of a pan of brussell sprouts.
When I had a transistor radio of my own, I listened to Radio 1 every evening. No teenager today could even begin to understand the importance of the new singles chart, or the annoyance of trying to record your favourite songs on a clunky cassette player without the DJ talking over the record. A friend used to sneak a transistor into school so we could listen to the new charts on a Tuesday lunchtime. We actually thought sneaking a transistor radio in was a small act of rebellion. How innocent we were! I thought I was so trendy when I started listening to Capital Radio in the mornings. When I was in the armed forces, we listened to BFBS and the truly world class BBC World Service. I can remember being in the Falklands in 1991 and feeling quite emotional at the World Service announcement that Terry Waite had been released after nearly five years of being held hostage in Beirut.
In the months before I left the RAF, I went to the Ministry of Defence for a couple of short detachments with our trade desk. They seemed to quite like having me around and were very excited about being allowed an extra biscuit with their afternoon tea - there's not a lot to laugh about at the MoD. We had a small radio in the office, permanently tuned to BBC Radio 4. One day when all four of the officers were out at meetings, I very daringly decided to retune it to Capital. When the three Wing Commanders returned, there were raised eyebrows and a few amused comments, but they let the dial stay where it was. The Group Captain, however, nearly had a coronary when he walked through the main door and the needle was back to Radio 4 before he'd cross the room to his office. I am not even sure he knew before that moment that there were alternative radio stations.
I took my preference for BBC Radio 2 and Radio 4 over Radio 1 as yet another sign of middle age. I have long abandoned Radio 1 completely except for very occasionally listening to Annie Nightingale on a weekend. I sleep much better on weekends, so my insomnia and I unfortunately miss out on the legendary Ms Nightingale. When I first started commuting to Brighton for work in 2008, I listened to Radio 4 in the mornings and Chris Evans Drive Time on BBC Radio 2 or the Radio 4 comedy shows on the way home. If ever you are stuck in an evening traffic jam, I cannot recommend them highly enough. It completely distracts you from the teeth-clenching agony that is the M25 during the rush hour. When Chris Evans took over the BBC Radio 2 Breakfast Show in 2010, I tuned in just to listen to the fabulous Moira Stuart read the news. I had greatly missed the gravitas of such newsreaders.
If I am working from home or just having a lazy weekend I listen to the radio all day, via digital television. I hop around throughout the day, I can't be doing with the Archers or Jeremy Vine, but I still enjoy the Steve Wright show and the plays and books for the week on Radio 4. If I am driving anywhere I I have the radio on all the time in the car. For long journeys I also have BBC Radio 4's Clare in the Community on CDs, for when radio is not accessible or just starts to give me a headache. Even when driving in France, I listen to the radio and try to improve my poor French by repeating everything the presenters say.
I wish we had more female radio presenters in the day, particularly mornings and early evenings. I think Liza Tarbuck should have a daily slot, rather than just Saturday evenings. I once wrote to Heart radio and complained that rather than promoting or training a young female radio presenter, they gifted a job to an ex 'Spice Girl'. They didn't reply, unsurprisingly. As much as I enjoyed listening to Radcliffe and Maconie in the evenings, I am pleased I was too lazy to search for their new slot on Radio 6 because otherwise I wouldn't have found out how good Jo Whiley was.
Yesterday, I finally solved the problem of searching around every morning for headphones; I bought a small AM/FM radio for the bedroom. It doesn't have a clock (I can't stand digital clocks in bedrooms, I hate the weird glow they cast, even if it is dimmed), nor an alarm. You change channels and the volume by turning the dials. Not only did I start listening to it when I woke up early this morning, but I have been carrying it round the house with me. I can now have radio in the kitchen, the bathroom and bedroom. To avoid replacing the morning headphone search with a hunt for the radio, I can see at least one more AM/FM radio being an essential. Right now, with perfect timing, Terry Wogan is on the radio, playing Dolly Parton's 'Here you come again'. My waist and dark-brown hair may be an unobtainable and long relinquished part of my past, but I won't be giving up my radio again.
Thursday 20 August 2015
Bake Off Episode 3 Series 6
This week ten bakers baking. Having read back to my blogs on the first two episodes, I realise this is an incredibly boring subject and written because I am not in the mood to write, but I have started so I shall finish
My favourites are Mat the fireman from Kent and Nadiya, a full time mum from Leeds. My least favourite is Paul the humourless Prison Governor from Wales.
Challenge 1
Quick bread
To me quick bread would mean nipping to the Coop for a loaf, but to Paul Hollywood it is bread raised with a raising agent other than yeast
Along with the dough raising agent, there are a few eyebrow raising ingredients. Flora's rye and fig bread might not work. Dorret has taken the ingredients from a waldorf salad and is putting them in a bread - walnut, sultanas and blue cheese. Tamal has also gone for figs, his is with goats cheese - on bread yes, just not sure it goes together in bread. Alvin has a mediterranean theme - manchego cheese and prosciutto. Pick a country and stick to it Alvin, none of this wandering across borders. Paul has gone for orange and cranberries. There seem to be a lot of cranberries in recipes this year. Has the cranberry marketing board got at Mary? Ugne's bread has chocolate. I love chocolate, but I don't like the sound of it in a bread. Sue tells us that soda bread must not be kneaded, as the camera pans to Mat and Nadiya kneading their soda bread.
The judging proved Sue right, Mat's bread was not crumbly enough and Nadiya's looked too much like yeast bread. Ugne's chocolate bread worked surprisingly well, as did Flora's blend of flours and the addition of figs. Dorret's lumps of stilton could have been bigger for more of a flavour. Paul's bread was so good, Paul Hollywood shook his hand. Paul was almost overwhelmed. Ian's pesto and wild garlic was a 'work of magic', but no handshake for him, so clearly not masonic magic. Worryingly, Mat does seem to be bottom of the pack at this stage.
Technical Challenge
4 identical crusty french baguettes
Paul shows us how it is done - steam in the oven, Paul expects them to know that. Mary thinks Paul is being particularly nasty.
Mel advises Alvin not to think about ciabatta. Sandy's french accent is abysmal, let us hope her bread is better. Alvin seems to be quite knowledgeable about the slashing technique, everyone else seems quite daunted by it. Ian, Tamal, Sandy all knew to add water to the oven for the steam. Mat ignores such techniques and seems to think a few French words will be sufficient to assist his bread, although the baguettes come out underproven, but he takes some consolation that they are consistently underproven. I can't help but worry that Mat may be going home. Paul and Nadiya are both on all fours, peering into the same oven, bonding over the bread.
Judging
Picky Paul is looking for 4 equal sized baguettes, crispy.
There are a lot of 'under proven' and a couple accused of being more like ciabatta - Alvin being one of those who did not heed Mel's advice. They hadn't all mastered the scoring, Dorret in particular over doing the cutting. Paul Prison was at the bottom of the baguette heap, closely followed by Nadiya and Mat. Tamal was a very respectable 3rd, even though his were under baked, with Flora's underproven baguettes second and Ian, last week's star baker Ian, came first.
Showstopper
The challenge was to make 3D bread sculptures, using at least three types of bread, one of which has to be filled.
Tamal - bread bicycle
Chelsea buns, fennel dough frame, five spiced buns in the basket.
Alvin - cornucopia - horn of plenty.
Alvin has really gone for the plenty in his roll filled horn, he overstretched himself last week and then panicked. Interesting to see that he has gone for the same approach this week.
Paul - King of the Jungle
All very Alpha Male, a sculpture of a lion with different kind of breads.
Mat - Brighton Pavilion
Curry flavoured loaves representing Brighton pavilion.
Nadiya - snake charmer's basket
Nadiya has also gone for Indian flavours. Do she and Mat copy each other's homework?
Sandy - basket with flowers
Flora - herb couture
Herb breads in the shape of a corset and skirt
Ian - flowering plant
black olive & parmesan plant, brioche flowers.
Ugne - soft bread, easter basked, truffle infuse brioche bunnies with maple syrup and crispy bacon. As Mary says 'wait and see'.
Dorret - Tracey Emin's unmade bed.
Dorret's sculpture will replicate Tracey Emin's unmade bed. For me that didn't work as art, I particularly remember the dirty underwear on the floor - will Dorret try and copy that as well? Dorret admits that she has not practised it though. For me this is reminiscent of Marie admitting her biscotti had broken, highlighting your own errors is a sign of impending doom. It also deprives Paul Hollywood of deflating egos by pointing it out.
Judging
Tamal - spectacular, different technique in each. Paul Hollywood says his Chelsea bun - doesn't get much better. It could have a sweet filling in it - that would make it a lot better for me.
Sandy's basket of flowers - clumsy, Paul H asks if she was going for cardboard with her pita bread poppy petals - ouch! She is redeemed somewhat by her pesto grisini.
Alvin's horn of plenty - achieved a lot, texture is beautiful, craft is perfect, each piece is baked to perfection. Paul H gets quite concerned that he might have heaped too much praise and draws some back by pointing out that Alvin has not quite followed the brief.
Ugne baking is good, but Paul is not sure about truffle oil with brioche.
Ian's Flour Power plant sculpture, is deemed magnificent, with a lovely flavour, just baked.
Flora's herb couture is praised for its delicacy.
Nadiya's snake charmer basket has great colour and tastes, but just needed a bit longer in the oven. All good together.
Paul's king of the jungle looks absolutely fantastic to me. Paul H agrees, stating it is exceptional, and the detail is amazing.
Mat's curry inspired Brighton Pavilion was deemed very effective, simplified, with nice flavours, however it was underproved and underbaked bread.
Dorret's unmade bread - Mary suggests that choosing something untidy to start with is not a good impression. The bedhead not defined enough, flavours work well. The chelsea bun bed base was baked on the outside but raw in the middle due to apricots.
This week's star baker - Ian (again!).
An extra award for Paul because of his lion sculpture, which is the best bread sculpture Paul H has ever seen. It was amazing.
Going home - Dorret.
I feel very sorry for Dorret, as I always feel sorry for the baker going home. Nadiya and Paul were not far behind her and may also have gone. Paul was saved by his showstopper. There were a few comments on Twitter that Paul should have won, but Ian's breads were excellent in every category whilst Paul came bottom in the technical challenge. Also Paul Hollywood is the master baker, not us, so we will allow him to know what he is talking about.
My favourites are Mat the fireman from Kent and Nadiya, a full time mum from Leeds. My least favourite is Paul the humourless Prison Governor from Wales.
Challenge 1
Quick bread
To me quick bread would mean nipping to the Coop for a loaf, but to Paul Hollywood it is bread raised with a raising agent other than yeast
Along with the dough raising agent, there are a few eyebrow raising ingredients. Flora's rye and fig bread might not work. Dorret has taken the ingredients from a waldorf salad and is putting them in a bread - walnut, sultanas and blue cheese. Tamal has also gone for figs, his is with goats cheese - on bread yes, just not sure it goes together in bread. Alvin has a mediterranean theme - manchego cheese and prosciutto. Pick a country and stick to it Alvin, none of this wandering across borders. Paul has gone for orange and cranberries. There seem to be a lot of cranberries in recipes this year. Has the cranberry marketing board got at Mary? Ugne's bread has chocolate. I love chocolate, but I don't like the sound of it in a bread. Sue tells us that soda bread must not be kneaded, as the camera pans to Mat and Nadiya kneading their soda bread.
The judging proved Sue right, Mat's bread was not crumbly enough and Nadiya's looked too much like yeast bread. Ugne's chocolate bread worked surprisingly well, as did Flora's blend of flours and the addition of figs. Dorret's lumps of stilton could have been bigger for more of a flavour. Paul's bread was so good, Paul Hollywood shook his hand. Paul was almost overwhelmed. Ian's pesto and wild garlic was a 'work of magic', but no handshake for him, so clearly not masonic magic. Worryingly, Mat does seem to be bottom of the pack at this stage.
Technical Challenge
4 identical crusty french baguettes
Paul shows us how it is done - steam in the oven, Paul expects them to know that. Mary thinks Paul is being particularly nasty.
Mel advises Alvin not to think about ciabatta. Sandy's french accent is abysmal, let us hope her bread is better. Alvin seems to be quite knowledgeable about the slashing technique, everyone else seems quite daunted by it. Ian, Tamal, Sandy all knew to add water to the oven for the steam. Mat ignores such techniques and seems to think a few French words will be sufficient to assist his bread, although the baguettes come out underproven, but he takes some consolation that they are consistently underproven. I can't help but worry that Mat may be going home. Paul and Nadiya are both on all fours, peering into the same oven, bonding over the bread.
Judging
Picky Paul is looking for 4 equal sized baguettes, crispy.
There are a lot of 'under proven' and a couple accused of being more like ciabatta - Alvin being one of those who did not heed Mel's advice. They hadn't all mastered the scoring, Dorret in particular over doing the cutting. Paul Prison was at the bottom of the baguette heap, closely followed by Nadiya and Mat. Tamal was a very respectable 3rd, even though his were under baked, with Flora's underproven baguettes second and Ian, last week's star baker Ian, came first.
Showstopper
The challenge was to make 3D bread sculptures, using at least three types of bread, one of which has to be filled.
Tamal - bread bicycle
Chelsea buns, fennel dough frame, five spiced buns in the basket.
Alvin - cornucopia - horn of plenty.
Alvin has really gone for the plenty in his roll filled horn, he overstretched himself last week and then panicked. Interesting to see that he has gone for the same approach this week.
Paul - King of the Jungle
All very Alpha Male, a sculpture of a lion with different kind of breads.
Mat - Brighton Pavilion
Curry flavoured loaves representing Brighton pavilion.
Nadiya - snake charmer's basket
Nadiya has also gone for Indian flavours. Do she and Mat copy each other's homework?
Sandy - basket with flowers
Flora - herb couture
Herb breads in the shape of a corset and skirt
Ian - flowering plant
black olive & parmesan plant, brioche flowers.
Ugne - soft bread, easter basked, truffle infuse brioche bunnies with maple syrup and crispy bacon. As Mary says 'wait and see'.
Dorret - Tracey Emin's unmade bed.
Dorret's sculpture will replicate Tracey Emin's unmade bed. For me that didn't work as art, I particularly remember the dirty underwear on the floor - will Dorret try and copy that as well? Dorret admits that she has not practised it though. For me this is reminiscent of Marie admitting her biscotti had broken, highlighting your own errors is a sign of impending doom. It also deprives Paul Hollywood of deflating egos by pointing it out.
Judging
Tamal - spectacular, different technique in each. Paul Hollywood says his Chelsea bun - doesn't get much better. It could have a sweet filling in it - that would make it a lot better for me.
Sandy's basket of flowers - clumsy, Paul H asks if she was going for cardboard with her pita bread poppy petals - ouch! She is redeemed somewhat by her pesto grisini.
Alvin's horn of plenty - achieved a lot, texture is beautiful, craft is perfect, each piece is baked to perfection. Paul H gets quite concerned that he might have heaped too much praise and draws some back by pointing out that Alvin has not quite followed the brief.
Ugne baking is good, but Paul is not sure about truffle oil with brioche.
Ian's Flour Power plant sculpture, is deemed magnificent, with a lovely flavour, just baked.
Flora's herb couture is praised for its delicacy.
Nadiya's snake charmer basket has great colour and tastes, but just needed a bit longer in the oven. All good together.
Paul's king of the jungle looks absolutely fantastic to me. Paul H agrees, stating it is exceptional, and the detail is amazing.
Mat's curry inspired Brighton Pavilion was deemed very effective, simplified, with nice flavours, however it was underproved and underbaked bread.
Dorret's unmade bread - Mary suggests that choosing something untidy to start with is not a good impression. The bedhead not defined enough, flavours work well. The chelsea bun bed base was baked on the outside but raw in the middle due to apricots.
This week's star baker - Ian (again!).
An extra award for Paul because of his lion sculpture, which is the best bread sculpture Paul H has ever seen. It was amazing.
Going home - Dorret.
I feel very sorry for Dorret, as I always feel sorry for the baker going home. Nadiya and Paul were not far behind her and may also have gone. Paul was saved by his showstopper. There were a few comments on Twitter that Paul should have won, but Ian's breads were excellent in every category whilst Paul came bottom in the technical challenge. Also Paul Hollywood is the master baker, not us, so we will allow him to know what he is talking about.
Wednesday 12 August 2015
Bake Off Episode 2 Series 6
We've all forgotten Stu and his hat already. Who will go this week? Apparently there has been such a run of betting on one of the participants that betting has closed. I hope it isn't leaked, I like the 'who will go, who will win' side of it.
This week is biscuits. We are shown a clip of Nadiya engaging in fighting talk - and yet she looks as though butter biscuits wouldn't melt in her mouth.
Challenge 1 - the signature challenge, to create 24 crunchy biscotti. Mel loves saying biscotti, so much I have to wonder if she has already been at the limoncello. Alvin is first up with his biscotti, fresh jack fruit (no, I didn't know either) and pistachio. The other bakers have all gone for dried fruit rather than fresh. Matt, our Kent firefighter, is going for cranberry, pistachio and biscotti. Orange, cranberry and rosemary sounds disgusting, but I am sure Ian has done this before. He also has orange caramel and almonds in there. Sandy has gone for chocolate and hazelnut - if only she had the dull cranberry too, Paul H would be in heaven.
Paul Prison (to distinguish him from Paul H) has gone for chocolate, hazelnut and fig. Paul H doesn't waste a second in pulling all his confidence out from under him, by pointing out that it is hard to tell when chocolate biscotti is cooked. Can you imagine Paul as an adjudicator in an exam hall, going round lifting people's papers up and tutting? I love fennel biscuits, so I quite like the idea of Flora's biscuits. I feel as if it has been on for hours, but only 9 minutes have gone by.
Nadiya has gone for coconut, fennel and pistachio, with coconut brittle on the top, adapted from a recipe of her mum's. I quite like the sound of it. Their next hurdle is having sufficient time for the biscotti to cool before decorating. Marie is making the mistake of telling Paul her errors -as if he needs help in criticising them!
Flora comments on how stressful it is just making biscotti. We feel your stress Flora. Now the glazing is going ahead. Nadiya forgot the fennel so is adding it with the coconut crumb, not so sure about that.
Judging
Mat's - beautifully even, good crunch, 'nice biscotti'
Nadiya - even, fennel works well, 'nice biscotti'
Marie - don't look too bad, but not uniform, chocolate not set. Nice crunch and flavour, Paul expected more ingredients.
Ugne - texture bang on, flavour lovely,
Alvin - flavour beautiful, needed a little more time
Sandy - good, flavours fantastic, bake is good
Dorret - not much flavour, not strong enough, doesn't think sugar works,
Tamal - good flavours, nothing over-riding, need to pick a key one.
Paul - texture as it should be, tricky for chocolate, Paul H would have them again, great biscotti, Mary doesn't feel nuts and fruit and chocolate go together. I do, even if it is Paul Prison
Flora - not quite uniform, flat, and hasn't overpowered with fennel
Ian - really nice biscotti, almost ginger flavour, fantastic biscotti
Challenge 2
Mystery biscuit - an arlette - which none of them have heard of, and neither have I - it is a a cinnamon flavoured, wafer thin puff pastry biscuit - like a thin round palmier.
Paul H says that it's all about the lamination.
Ian has got the clue that it is puff pastry dough. The rest of them are not so sure.
Being thin the biscuits will cook quickly, so whilst they are in the oven, there is a lot of biscuit watching - I could have helped out with that, I look at a lot of food.
Mat's are like flip-flops - but he is a firefighter from Kent, so I shall support the home team until the end. Nothing has gone in the bin, always a good sign with Bake Off. Many of them looks quite close to the desired biscuit. Marie has not finished hers and can only put 4 on display. I hate it when they get stuck, I feel so sorry for them.
Judging
In the judging there were several too chewy and undercooked, a lot of comments from Paul about 'butter pouring out', and 'could be thinner' - couldn't we all Paul, particularly me. Marie was last, she had got her oven times wrong, such a shame. Paul Prison was 10th and Nadiya 9th. Flora was in second place, and Dorret was first. I am so pleased for her after last week, that must be a huge relief.
Paul suggests before the showstopper that Mat, Ian and Alvin are all in the running for star baker.
Showstopper
36 biscuits presented in a biscuit box made from a different type of biscuit. Paul wants to see architecture, Mary wants to see lots of techniques.
Paul - gingerbread box and macaroons in honour of his wife, which is sweet. Sue suggests the whole world is in love with Paul. I am not so sure. Paul is my least favourite, but I am not quite sure why. I think it is the lack of humour.
Over half of the bakers are making gingerbread boxes, although Nadiya's is gingerbread and cayenne pepper as she is "all about the drama". I love her sense of humour. Tamal is making an anise biscuit box, Flora's tea chest is earl grey and honey, Ugne's is lithuanian honey cake and Sandy is the only one making savoury biscuits - with a sundried tomato and cheese biscuit box. Ian's box is shortbread - made in a cyclinder in a mould he made himself. I was impressed, Paul points out it could burn on one side and not cook on the other. I have to wonder at Paul's need to always undermine them. It may be showmanship, but it comes across as mean. He then goes on to undermines Dorret for using a biscuit stamp. I wonder if he was bullied at school?
When it gets to box assembly, they are all nervous. I am nervous for them. I have also had to put away the biscuits I got out, before I am also wobbling for them. When Sue says 7 minutes, Nadiya looks terrified. Flora's amazing lid snapped - it looked so gorgeous. Sue dents Nadiya's chances by breaking her bowl lid, at least she claimed she broke it, but I am not too sure, I saw her saying she had broken it and then confessing to Paul, but don't recall seeing her break it - but I am confident Nadiya has done too well this week to be the one to go. Nadiya deals with it calmly. Alvin's snaps look gorgeous. Both Ian and Prison Paul's macarons look fabulous.
Judging
Ian: cylinder works, macarons look perfect. Making that cylinder is really impressive (now you admit that Holywood).
Flora: Ambitious box - but snapped, which is such a shame as it was so beautiful. Great bake, good piping. Tea bags - great bake
Alvin: he didn't have time to get his gingerbread house together, he is so upset. Beautiful flavour, nice biscuit. Brandy snaps great flavour - and colour and bake. I hope that is enough to save him.
Marie: Russian box looks elegant, biscuits look quite plain, good scotch shortbread biscuit - Paul thinks her flavours are muddled. The box is not crisp.
Sandy: biscuit box looks "breathtaking" - I have to agree, I want one. The cheese biscuits inside are delicious but a bit soft.
Tamal: good flavour and crisp all the way through, the lid has softened up slightly, star anise 'bang on'.
Ugne: 'over the top', it is too garish for Mary (how can she say that with her taste in jackets?). Paul loves the biscuits inside.
Dorret: box of frogs - crisp, not much flavour, Paul thinks the biscuits are bitter, the gingerbread is fantastic flavour, but soft.
Nadiya: box of fortunes, such a shame she didn't have time to decorate the replacement lid. The fortune cookies - are all equal, Mary and Paul are impressed with them.
Paul: memory box - clean cut, different sizes for his biscuits inside, over generous with filling, overpowering top. Gingerbread lid is very good.
Mat: fire engine - nice and crisp, looks fun, tea bags, even bake, flavour is good - lid is beautifully crisped, tasted great well baked.
Star baker - Ian!
Leaving today is Marie. She was star baker last week. That is the ups and downs of Bake Off. I was quite surprised that she went and not Paul Prison. Google tells me that the run of bets was on her. Apparently she trained with Escoffier 30 years ago, and many think that gives her an unfair advantage. Would it? I was in the armed forces 30 years ago - put me at Bisley on the Great British Shoot Out, I still couldn't hit a target to save my life. (If anyone now creates a shooting reality show, I want credit for coming up with the horrendous idea).
Next week is bread - and there will be ten contestants with buns in the ovens. Mat and Nadiya are still my favourites, with the other seven all a very close third, and then Paul Prison. I must try harder to like him next week. Maybe he could try laughing?
This week is biscuits. We are shown a clip of Nadiya engaging in fighting talk - and yet she looks as though butter biscuits wouldn't melt in her mouth.
Challenge 1 - the signature challenge, to create 24 crunchy biscotti. Mel loves saying biscotti, so much I have to wonder if she has already been at the limoncello. Alvin is first up with his biscotti, fresh jack fruit (no, I didn't know either) and pistachio. The other bakers have all gone for dried fruit rather than fresh. Matt, our Kent firefighter, is going for cranberry, pistachio and biscotti. Orange, cranberry and rosemary sounds disgusting, but I am sure Ian has done this before. He also has orange caramel and almonds in there. Sandy has gone for chocolate and hazelnut - if only she had the dull cranberry too, Paul H would be in heaven.
Paul Prison (to distinguish him from Paul H) has gone for chocolate, hazelnut and fig. Paul H doesn't waste a second in pulling all his confidence out from under him, by pointing out that it is hard to tell when chocolate biscotti is cooked. Can you imagine Paul as an adjudicator in an exam hall, going round lifting people's papers up and tutting? I love fennel biscuits, so I quite like the idea of Flora's biscuits. I feel as if it has been on for hours, but only 9 minutes have gone by.
Nadiya has gone for coconut, fennel and pistachio, with coconut brittle on the top, adapted from a recipe of her mum's. I quite like the sound of it. Their next hurdle is having sufficient time for the biscotti to cool before decorating. Marie is making the mistake of telling Paul her errors -as if he needs help in criticising them!
Flora comments on how stressful it is just making biscotti. We feel your stress Flora. Now the glazing is going ahead. Nadiya forgot the fennel so is adding it with the coconut crumb, not so sure about that.
Judging
Mat's - beautifully even, good crunch, 'nice biscotti'
Nadiya - even, fennel works well, 'nice biscotti'
Marie - don't look too bad, but not uniform, chocolate not set. Nice crunch and flavour, Paul expected more ingredients.
Ugne - texture bang on, flavour lovely,
Alvin - flavour beautiful, needed a little more time
Sandy - good, flavours fantastic, bake is good
Dorret - not much flavour, not strong enough, doesn't think sugar works,
Tamal - good flavours, nothing over-riding, need to pick a key one.
Paul - texture as it should be, tricky for chocolate, Paul H would have them again, great biscotti, Mary doesn't feel nuts and fruit and chocolate go together. I do, even if it is Paul Prison
Flora - not quite uniform, flat, and hasn't overpowered with fennel
Ian - really nice biscotti, almost ginger flavour, fantastic biscotti
Challenge 2
Mystery biscuit - an arlette - which none of them have heard of, and neither have I - it is a a cinnamon flavoured, wafer thin puff pastry biscuit - like a thin round palmier.
Paul H says that it's all about the lamination.
Ian has got the clue that it is puff pastry dough. The rest of them are not so sure.
Being thin the biscuits will cook quickly, so whilst they are in the oven, there is a lot of biscuit watching - I could have helped out with that, I look at a lot of food.
Mat's are like flip-flops - but he is a firefighter from Kent, so I shall support the home team until the end. Nothing has gone in the bin, always a good sign with Bake Off. Many of them looks quite close to the desired biscuit. Marie has not finished hers and can only put 4 on display. I hate it when they get stuck, I feel so sorry for them.
Judging
In the judging there were several too chewy and undercooked, a lot of comments from Paul about 'butter pouring out', and 'could be thinner' - couldn't we all Paul, particularly me. Marie was last, she had got her oven times wrong, such a shame. Paul Prison was 10th and Nadiya 9th. Flora was in second place, and Dorret was first. I am so pleased for her after last week, that must be a huge relief.
Paul suggests before the showstopper that Mat, Ian and Alvin are all in the running for star baker.
Showstopper
36 biscuits presented in a biscuit box made from a different type of biscuit. Paul wants to see architecture, Mary wants to see lots of techniques.
Paul - gingerbread box and macaroons in honour of his wife, which is sweet. Sue suggests the whole world is in love with Paul. I am not so sure. Paul is my least favourite, but I am not quite sure why. I think it is the lack of humour.
Over half of the bakers are making gingerbread boxes, although Nadiya's is gingerbread and cayenne pepper as she is "all about the drama". I love her sense of humour. Tamal is making an anise biscuit box, Flora's tea chest is earl grey and honey, Ugne's is lithuanian honey cake and Sandy is the only one making savoury biscuits - with a sundried tomato and cheese biscuit box. Ian's box is shortbread - made in a cyclinder in a mould he made himself. I was impressed, Paul points out it could burn on one side and not cook on the other. I have to wonder at Paul's need to always undermine them. It may be showmanship, but it comes across as mean. He then goes on to undermines Dorret for using a biscuit stamp. I wonder if he was bullied at school?
When it gets to box assembly, they are all nervous. I am nervous for them. I have also had to put away the biscuits I got out, before I am also wobbling for them. When Sue says 7 minutes, Nadiya looks terrified. Flora's amazing lid snapped - it looked so gorgeous. Sue dents Nadiya's chances by breaking her bowl lid, at least she claimed she broke it, but I am not too sure, I saw her saying she had broken it and then confessing to Paul, but don't recall seeing her break it - but I am confident Nadiya has done too well this week to be the one to go. Nadiya deals with it calmly. Alvin's snaps look gorgeous. Both Ian and Prison Paul's macarons look fabulous.
Judging
Ian: cylinder works, macarons look perfect. Making that cylinder is really impressive (now you admit that Holywood).
Flora: Ambitious box - but snapped, which is such a shame as it was so beautiful. Great bake, good piping. Tea bags - great bake
Alvin: he didn't have time to get his gingerbread house together, he is so upset. Beautiful flavour, nice biscuit. Brandy snaps great flavour - and colour and bake. I hope that is enough to save him.
Marie: Russian box looks elegant, biscuits look quite plain, good scotch shortbread biscuit - Paul thinks her flavours are muddled. The box is not crisp.
Sandy: biscuit box looks "breathtaking" - I have to agree, I want one. The cheese biscuits inside are delicious but a bit soft.
Tamal: good flavour and crisp all the way through, the lid has softened up slightly, star anise 'bang on'.
Ugne: 'over the top', it is too garish for Mary (how can she say that with her taste in jackets?). Paul loves the biscuits inside.
Dorret: box of frogs - crisp, not much flavour, Paul thinks the biscuits are bitter, the gingerbread is fantastic flavour, but soft.
Nadiya: box of fortunes, such a shame she didn't have time to decorate the replacement lid. The fortune cookies - are all equal, Mary and Paul are impressed with them.
Paul: memory box - clean cut, different sizes for his biscuits inside, over generous with filling, overpowering top. Gingerbread lid is very good.
Mat: fire engine - nice and crisp, looks fun, tea bags, even bake, flavour is good - lid is beautifully crisped, tasted great well baked.
Star baker - Ian!
Leaving today is Marie. She was star baker last week. That is the ups and downs of Bake Off. I was quite surprised that she went and not Paul Prison. Google tells me that the run of bets was on her. Apparently she trained with Escoffier 30 years ago, and many think that gives her an unfair advantage. Would it? I was in the armed forces 30 years ago - put me at Bisley on the Great British Shoot Out, I still couldn't hit a target to save my life. (If anyone now creates a shooting reality show, I want credit for coming up with the horrendous idea).
Next week is bread - and there will be ten contestants with buns in the ovens. Mat and Nadiya are still my favourites, with the other seven all a very close third, and then Paul Prison. I must try harder to like him next week. Maybe he could try laughing?
Saturday 8 August 2015
Dreamscape
'Dreams can come true' sang Gabrielle back in 1993. For most of us, our dreams are so random and surreal, it is probably a good thing they don't, but I still find dreams fascinating.
What we dream about is only of interest to the dreamer, so I won't go into my dreams in detail here - just be assured that if I did, I would be the exception to the rule and you would be fascinated. Why we dream and what we dream about has always interested me. I am not alone in this, there are thousands of books on the subject and there is an entire field of study devoted to it, 'oneirology', although it looks at the process of dreaming rather than analysing the surreal content of our dreams.
Thirty years ago a friend gave me a dream dictionary and I still use it. If the interpretation is favourable, I think of it as accurate. If the interpretation is negative, I completely ignore it, much as I do with horoscopes, allthough I have not yet ignored a horoscope on the basis that it was probably caused by something I ate or drank. Favourable or not favourable, I like dreams and I feel a bit cheated if I wake up and cannot remember anything of them. I feel equally cheated if the alarm wakes me from a particularly good dream.
Some people claim to never dream, but it may be that they just don't recall their dreams. I pity them, it is like your own personal film inside your head every night, who wouldn't want that? It has been put forward that everyone dreams and scientists (not Russell Grant and co., actual scientists) also propose that all mammals and birds dream too (link to article). My dog used to run and bark in his dreams, he was blind so I always hoped he could see perfectly in them. My eyesight is horrendous, but I have never dreamt that I needed to put my glasses or contact lenses on.
Thinking about having 20/20 vision in my own dreams made me wonder about people with different disabilities and whether their dreams reflected that. Studies have shown that people born blind have visual experiences in their dreams and the profoundly deaf hear spoken language whilst dreaming. Recent studies indicate that paralysed people dream of moving about without their disabilities, whether they have been paralysed since birth or whether paralysis occurred later in life. They dream about walking less than able-bodied people (link to BPS summary of study here), 46% compared to 64%, but the study proposed that this may be because they dream about dancing more. I love that aspect of dreams, your legs work, you can do anything with them and so people dance. Equally I would like to hope that the deaf here nice things in their dreams and not party political broadcasts.
It was previously thought that we dream mainly in black and white, but more recent studies show that most people dream in colour, but older people mainly dream in black and white. A hypothesis put forward for this (here) is that their initial exposure to television would have been black and white television. This seems a bit far-fetched and even the study itself proposes potential biases in reporting by the dreamers as possibly impacting the results. Did everyone have silent dreams during the silent era (1894-1929). What about people who have never watched television or films? Everyone dreams, so how do their dreams differ?
Part of the aspect of dreams that I like so much is the fact that it is unconscious and therefore may be free of many of the shackles that bind us. If the physical aspects of life that handicap us are not always present, then it is to be hoped that some of the mental fears and blocks are also absent. I like to think we are more free in dreams. Flying is one of the most common dream subjects, which makes me wonder what birds dream about as an alternative. Perhaps it is downing aircraft or forming a bird army and eradicating cats once and for all. I originally put 'rising up and eradicating cats' there, but it isn't the rising up that birds have an issue with.
(If you are wondering whatever happened to Gabrielle, she is still recording according to Wikipedia)
What we dream about is only of interest to the dreamer, so I won't go into my dreams in detail here - just be assured that if I did, I would be the exception to the rule and you would be fascinated. Why we dream and what we dream about has always interested me. I am not alone in this, there are thousands of books on the subject and there is an entire field of study devoted to it, 'oneirology', although it looks at the process of dreaming rather than analysing the surreal content of our dreams.
Thirty years ago a friend gave me a dream dictionary and I still use it. If the interpretation is favourable, I think of it as accurate. If the interpretation is negative, I completely ignore it, much as I do with horoscopes, allthough I have not yet ignored a horoscope on the basis that it was probably caused by something I ate or drank. Favourable or not favourable, I like dreams and I feel a bit cheated if I wake up and cannot remember anything of them. I feel equally cheated if the alarm wakes me from a particularly good dream.
Some people claim to never dream, but it may be that they just don't recall their dreams. I pity them, it is like your own personal film inside your head every night, who wouldn't want that? It has been put forward that everyone dreams and scientists (not Russell Grant and co., actual scientists) also propose that all mammals and birds dream too (link to article). My dog used to run and bark in his dreams, he was blind so I always hoped he could see perfectly in them. My eyesight is horrendous, but I have never dreamt that I needed to put my glasses or contact lenses on.
Thinking about having 20/20 vision in my own dreams made me wonder about people with different disabilities and whether their dreams reflected that. Studies have shown that people born blind have visual experiences in their dreams and the profoundly deaf hear spoken language whilst dreaming. Recent studies indicate that paralysed people dream of moving about without their disabilities, whether they have been paralysed since birth or whether paralysis occurred later in life. They dream about walking less than able-bodied people (link to BPS summary of study here), 46% compared to 64%, but the study proposed that this may be because they dream about dancing more. I love that aspect of dreams, your legs work, you can do anything with them and so people dance. Equally I would like to hope that the deaf here nice things in their dreams and not party political broadcasts.
It was previously thought that we dream mainly in black and white, but more recent studies show that most people dream in colour, but older people mainly dream in black and white. A hypothesis put forward for this (here) is that their initial exposure to television would have been black and white television. This seems a bit far-fetched and even the study itself proposes potential biases in reporting by the dreamers as possibly impacting the results. Did everyone have silent dreams during the silent era (1894-1929). What about people who have never watched television or films? Everyone dreams, so how do their dreams differ?
Part of the aspect of dreams that I like so much is the fact that it is unconscious and therefore may be free of many of the shackles that bind us. If the physical aspects of life that handicap us are not always present, then it is to be hoped that some of the mental fears and blocks are also absent. I like to think we are more free in dreams. Flying is one of the most common dream subjects, which makes me wonder what birds dream about as an alternative. Perhaps it is downing aircraft or forming a bird army and eradicating cats once and for all. I originally put 'rising up and eradicating cats' there, but it isn't the rising up that birds have an issue with.
Lucid dreams fall outside of this lack of awareness (more information here). Lucid dreams are dreams in which we are aware we are dreaming and can control the dream, or as I think of it 'cheating'. Is it a proper dream if you are controlling it, or is it a fantasy? Lucid dreams require a level of consciousness or awareness, sleep requires us to be unconscious. I have on occasion woken myself from a nightmare on the basis that it is 'just a dream'. I see that as a protection mechanism, rather than the dream becoming a lucid dream. My opinion and dismissal of lucid dreams are not based on any research at all, merely that I like dreaming and I like the lack of conscious control I have over dreams. However scientists who have done considerable research into this, such as Dr Patrick McNamara and Professor Malcolm Norman (link here) are sceptical of the existence of lucid dreams, seeing it more as a phase of brief wakefulness. There is of course other research supporting the existence of lucid dreams, but that detracts from my enjoyment of dreams so for now I will leave that alone.
As with the dream dictionary and horoscope readings, I am picking and choosing the research on dreams that fits in with my own understanding of them. It is a fascinating subject and any research that involves me sleeping for long periods is something I would be happy to sign up for. This is the most research I have actually read up on since finishing my OU Psychology Degree and I have really enjoyed it.
(If you are wondering whatever happened to Gabrielle, she is still recording according to Wikipedia)
Thursday 6 August 2015
It won't change me
It is rare now that lottery winners go for
publicity, but when they do they tend to spout the ‘it won’t change me’
cliché.
Lottery tickets are, as a friend once
pointed out, a tax on the stupid. As
stupid as that makes me, someone has to win, so why not me? It is also worth noting that the money we pay
in legitimate taxes can, on occasion, be spent in such a way as to render us
all stupid for not taking to the streets en masse. Anyway, I digress, on Friday I paid my stupid
tax.
A colleague and I had a brief chat about
what we each might do, in the very unlikely event that we won. She pointed out the complete lack of
imagination in the phrase ‘it won’t change me’.
How can it not change you? It
hopefully would not change my values, but it would definitely change my
life.
I have, on occasion, planned what I would do with the jackpot, when I win it. I would
set up a provision, perhaps almshouses, for elderly people with no family and no money – genuinely no
money, not left their homes in trust to their children to avoid funding their
own old age. I would also adopt a few
rescued dogs and travel a lot more. I may book a visit to fat farm - I really like food therefore an annual visit to fat farm may be required. A couple of friends really like the idea of taking the Prue Leith diploma (here), I would join them so I could learn to cook better but quite happy in the knowledge I would be the Bake Off disaster class member. A friend insists that the first thing I must do is hand the money over to her to
manage as I will lose it all – oh she of little faith, but she may have a
point. She has also ‘banned’ me from
living in a hotel. I think living in a hotel would be brilliant, it must take a while to get used to be a multi-millionaire, so hotel life would help me make that transition (family members please note, should I book into a TravelLodge for a weekend, you're not in line for a huge inheritance, any blogs sent out from the Mandarin Oriental - form an orderly queue).
Of the few life plans I have, I do realise how futile it is that the most formed is the one
for the event that I cannot work towards. In the meantime, if you find you have the winning lottery ticket and are determined that it won't change you, please feel free to give the ticket to me, that way two people get exactly what they want.
Wednesday 5 August 2015
It's back - Great British Bake Off Series 6
Just as memories of season 5 fade so far into the past I am thinking of taking up with another heavily edited reality series, Bake Off comes bounding back into my life with Series 6 and twelve new contestants for me to fall in love with or at least love to loathe.
The BBC website has an introduction to the bakers. Sadly one of them will only be appearing on our screens tonight (meet the bakers). We meet a few of the contestants. I am instantly taken with Mat - who looks much like a sixth-former. I have seen a few snippets online about Stu and his hat. I have decided, based on no information at all, that it is a gimmick. This is unfair, he didn't write the items about him, but it's Bake Off, you have to support someone and you have to have an anti-hero.
Mary and Paul are back as well. Mary is perfect in pink, Paul's perma tan is lighting up the tent. Paul is quickly up to his usual tricks, undermining Nadiya with his eyebrows, which could almost have a show of their own.
Mat becomes even more my favourite, with his gin & tonic madeira cake. Gin and cake - what could possibly go wrong? Another recipe I like the look of is Tamal's pistachio and rose cake. Dorret deems Paul strategically important, possibly a euphemism for patronising gimp. I quite like Alvin's notion of putting figs in his madeira and the way he stands up to Paul. Sandy is also unphased by comments from a jaffa with eyebrows. Those two should go far (the contestants, not the eyebrows). I still can't warm to Stu. Paul is a sugar-crafting prison governor, an unusual combination.
During the first judging session, Nadiya looks terrified but Mary is impressed. Ugne's efforts didn't go down so well, neither did Sandy or Stu's. Flora did well, Alvin's figs followed Paul's predictions, but the cake was good. The term 'wallpaper paste' was used with Ian's efforts. I instantly decided Ian was a city banker and was surprised to find out he is a travel photographer. Mat's gin failed to win over the judges, but Tamal's creation worked well. Dorret's candied peel wasn't up to Nadiya's standard neither was her cake. Marie's candied peel worked well, and her cake was complimented - Paul even going so far as to call it a perfect cake.
The next challenge was walnut cake, thankfully without coffee - which I loathe. I am firmly convinced that the BBC should send us all samples of a perfect version of each challenge to help us enjoy the series more, therefore it is important to me that all recipes are to my liking. I am not too keen on the look of Mary's weird frosting, but the inside looks lovely. I always kid myself I will try and bake these in the week - and never yet have. Stu is breaking the rules - wearing a hat and rule breaking, he's a rebel and he'll never never be any good. Alvin and caramel are not an item. The meringue icing has whisked them all into a frenzy of confusion (it's Bake Off, bad jokes are a necessity).
The technical challenge judging begins. Nadiya has just noticed her sides are uncovered and everyone else's are, that would make me throw up with fear, but she handles it well. Mat's isn't as good as it looks. The term grainy is being thrown around all over the place. Ugne does well - and even had time for some sugar work. Nadiya - naked sides and grainy. Paul - neat but granular. Nadiya is last, with Stu 11th. Ugne takes first, closely followed by Alvin and Marie. Nadiya is my new favourite 'I'm 12th and I'm OK with that .... of course I'm not'. Marie and Flora are in the lead with the judges with Stu, Paul and Ian all in trouble.
Time for the showstopper, a black forest gateau. Again I feel a sample is required. Now the BBC aren't paying Clarkson's fees, there must be money for it.
Several of them are looking for a new spin on a classic. I think it is the first show and they should go for a perfect classic version rather than reinventing the chocolate wheel. I struggle to bake anything but lemon drizzle cakes, but I eat a lot so I like to think I have considerable expertise when it comes to cake. Having said that I like the idea of Nadiya's chocolate with chocolate and more chocolate. I am not keen on Sandy's chocolate shortbread notion though. The innuendo has begun, Mel starts talking of romping in Ian's forest. Paul's cake looks fabulous on paper, as does Ugne's. I love Sue's prison jokes, Paul is a bit less impressed - I can't see someone with no sense of humour lasting long on Bake Off. I love Mat's honesty over using the thermometer "I don't know what I"m looking for, just seen everyone else do it". Sandy is a bit free with the alcohol, always a good sign.
Dorret's cake needs the freezer - let's hope there is time for it to set. They are all getting quite tense over the finishing touches. Mel clearly likes her 'through your forests" joke and returns to it, it isn't that funny Mel, let it go. Poor Dorret, her face says it all as she brings her cake out, I want her to be allowed to try again. Thankfully Sue is on hand to support her.
The final judging session for this week:
Flora - huge cake - perfection, moist, works well, needs more alcohol.
Ugne - theatrical, good chocolate work, disappointing sponge though.
Marie - different presentation, simple but stunning, light sponge, lovely, wonderful taste - as classic as you can get (I told you so).
Alvin - looks modern, good flavours,
Mat - fantastic looking cake, taste exceedingly good - well done Mat Kipling.
Paul - impressive chocolate work, good distinct layers, fantastic sponge.
Sandy - different idea with shortbread, Paul deems the piping '1970s' ... isn't that the idea?
Tamal - collared cake, great, and even a little bit special.
Stu - interesting, but no skills with chocolate, beetroot flavoured cake has the wrong texture.
Nadiya -contemporary and minimalist, wonderful shine, beautiful flavour,
Dorret - explains what happened, they are so nice to her. The sponge is rubber though at the top, the bottom layers are ok.
Ian - totally different, shown many skills, good blend of flavours.
I would say it is between Stu and Dorret to go. Several could be in top place. Paul clearly already likes saying Flora's name.
The first star baker is Marie. She won because she made a classic gateau - and who advocated sticking to classics in week 1 - me. I don't know much, but I do know cake.
The first to go home is Stu - which I think is the right choice, although it was close with Dorret I suspect. I liked Stu more towards the end of the show, he got less cocky and more likeable, but sadly his baking became less likeable. What a shame he just got one shot though, but I can't help being pleased for Dorret.
Ah Bake Off, how I have missed thee. Episode One has lived up to all my expectations and I have discovered that blogging removes all desire to eat my way through the show.
The BBC website has an introduction to the bakers. Sadly one of them will only be appearing on our screens tonight (meet the bakers). We meet a few of the contestants. I am instantly taken with Mat - who looks much like a sixth-former. I have seen a few snippets online about Stu and his hat. I have decided, based on no information at all, that it is a gimmick. This is unfair, he didn't write the items about him, but it's Bake Off, you have to support someone and you have to have an anti-hero.
Mary and Paul are back as well. Mary is perfect in pink, Paul's perma tan is lighting up the tent. Paul is quickly up to his usual tricks, undermining Nadiya with his eyebrows, which could almost have a show of their own.
Mat becomes even more my favourite, with his gin & tonic madeira cake. Gin and cake - what could possibly go wrong? Another recipe I like the look of is Tamal's pistachio and rose cake. Dorret deems Paul strategically important, possibly a euphemism for patronising gimp. I quite like Alvin's notion of putting figs in his madeira and the way he stands up to Paul. Sandy is also unphased by comments from a jaffa with eyebrows. Those two should go far (the contestants, not the eyebrows). I still can't warm to Stu. Paul is a sugar-crafting prison governor, an unusual combination.
During the first judging session, Nadiya looks terrified but Mary is impressed. Ugne's efforts didn't go down so well, neither did Sandy or Stu's. Flora did well, Alvin's figs followed Paul's predictions, but the cake was good. The term 'wallpaper paste' was used with Ian's efforts. I instantly decided Ian was a city banker and was surprised to find out he is a travel photographer. Mat's gin failed to win over the judges, but Tamal's creation worked well. Dorret's candied peel wasn't up to Nadiya's standard neither was her cake. Marie's candied peel worked well, and her cake was complimented - Paul even going so far as to call it a perfect cake.
The next challenge was walnut cake, thankfully without coffee - which I loathe. I am firmly convinced that the BBC should send us all samples of a perfect version of each challenge to help us enjoy the series more, therefore it is important to me that all recipes are to my liking. I am not too keen on the look of Mary's weird frosting, but the inside looks lovely. I always kid myself I will try and bake these in the week - and never yet have. Stu is breaking the rules - wearing a hat and rule breaking, he's a rebel and he'll never never be any good. Alvin and caramel are not an item. The meringue icing has whisked them all into a frenzy of confusion (it's Bake Off, bad jokes are a necessity).
The technical challenge judging begins. Nadiya has just noticed her sides are uncovered and everyone else's are, that would make me throw up with fear, but she handles it well. Mat's isn't as good as it looks. The term grainy is being thrown around all over the place. Ugne does well - and even had time for some sugar work. Nadiya - naked sides and grainy. Paul - neat but granular. Nadiya is last, with Stu 11th. Ugne takes first, closely followed by Alvin and Marie. Nadiya is my new favourite 'I'm 12th and I'm OK with that .... of course I'm not'. Marie and Flora are in the lead with the judges with Stu, Paul and Ian all in trouble.
Time for the showstopper, a black forest gateau. Again I feel a sample is required. Now the BBC aren't paying Clarkson's fees, there must be money for it.
Several of them are looking for a new spin on a classic. I think it is the first show and they should go for a perfect classic version rather than reinventing the chocolate wheel. I struggle to bake anything but lemon drizzle cakes, but I eat a lot so I like to think I have considerable expertise when it comes to cake. Having said that I like the idea of Nadiya's chocolate with chocolate and more chocolate. I am not keen on Sandy's chocolate shortbread notion though. The innuendo has begun, Mel starts talking of romping in Ian's forest. Paul's cake looks fabulous on paper, as does Ugne's. I love Sue's prison jokes, Paul is a bit less impressed - I can't see someone with no sense of humour lasting long on Bake Off. I love Mat's honesty over using the thermometer "I don't know what I"m looking for, just seen everyone else do it". Sandy is a bit free with the alcohol, always a good sign.
Dorret's cake needs the freezer - let's hope there is time for it to set. They are all getting quite tense over the finishing touches. Mel clearly likes her 'through your forests" joke and returns to it, it isn't that funny Mel, let it go. Poor Dorret, her face says it all as she brings her cake out, I want her to be allowed to try again. Thankfully Sue is on hand to support her.
The final judging session for this week:
Flora - huge cake - perfection, moist, works well, needs more alcohol.
Ugne - theatrical, good chocolate work, disappointing sponge though.
Marie - different presentation, simple but stunning, light sponge, lovely, wonderful taste - as classic as you can get (I told you so).
Alvin - looks modern, good flavours,
Mat - fantastic looking cake, taste exceedingly good - well done Mat Kipling.
Paul - impressive chocolate work, good distinct layers, fantastic sponge.
Sandy - different idea with shortbread, Paul deems the piping '1970s' ... isn't that the idea?
Tamal - collared cake, great, and even a little bit special.
Stu - interesting, but no skills with chocolate, beetroot flavoured cake has the wrong texture.
Nadiya -contemporary and minimalist, wonderful shine, beautiful flavour,
Dorret - explains what happened, they are so nice to her. The sponge is rubber though at the top, the bottom layers are ok.
Ian - totally different, shown many skills, good blend of flavours.
I would say it is between Stu and Dorret to go. Several could be in top place. Paul clearly already likes saying Flora's name.
The first star baker is Marie. She won because she made a classic gateau - and who advocated sticking to classics in week 1 - me. I don't know much, but I do know cake.
The first to go home is Stu - which I think is the right choice, although it was close with Dorret I suspect. I liked Stu more towards the end of the show, he got less cocky and more likeable, but sadly his baking became less likeable. What a shame he just got one shot though, but I can't help being pleased for Dorret.
Ah Bake Off, how I have missed thee. Episode One has lived up to all my expectations and I have discovered that blogging removes all desire to eat my way through the show.
Sunday 2 August 2015
Thames Path - Richmond to Hammersmith Bridge
Information on walks along the Thames Path can be found on Transport for London's website (link here)
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| All Saints Church, Isleworth (I think) |
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| A glimpse of Kew through the trees |
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| North of the river walking along the thames path walking walking walking walk walk walk walk |
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| Syon House, London home of the Duke of Northumberland |
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| Messing about on the river |
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| Chiswick Bridge |
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| Chiswick |
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| A willow, far more attractive than the building it hides |
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| Quintin Rowing Club |
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| The Thames |
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| The Ship, Mortlake - definitely worthy of a stop-off |
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| Hammersmith Bridge |
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| Swanee River |
 
Salt Beef
We were fascinated by the cow on the roof - and I labelled it 'salted beef', thinking I was being incredibly witty. I have just googled it - and is a sculpture, called 'Salt Beef'. It was part of the 2002 Cow Parade (info here). We didn't notice an astronaut on the neighbour's roof terrace though.
So that is where all the pubs are (Stamford Brook)
The Bridge pub, Barnes - a lovely pub which we nearly missed out on because it looked 'a bit dodgy' from the outside.
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