Viv's theory of relativity

This post is about self-image - not about my family.  My family is now so large that it is more of an army than an actual family, as my cousin Amy often points out - we even embrace the military theme by indulging in the odd war, but I shall save the family (and the wars) for another blog, or maybe for a novel.

Over the past week or so, my weight loss has become much more noticeable.  I am on Day 51 and have lost 16 pounds so far.  The first few pounds go quite quickly, which always gives you a bit of a boost, but you don't really see much change.  For the next ten pounds, progress seems slow, but it is there, just underneath the surface.  I read a blog last week (can't remember which one or I would link it) about how many people give up diets at this stage because they aren't seeing or feeling the results, but they need to have faith in the benefits of eating less and exercising more and must keep going.  I have failed dozens of diets - at least 3 a year, so have much sympathy.  I don't know why this one is working, I am just grateful that it is.

For the moment I am over the 'not much happening' phase and can see and feel definite results.  I am one pound away from a 10% loss.  I measured much of my body at the beginning of the diet and subsequent measuring has shown how much I have lost.  My clothes fit better, I feel better and, very rare  for me, I look at myself in the mirror and am actually happy with what I see.

This is what I find odd.  8 years ago, had I looked in the mirror and seen me weighing what I weigh today, I would have wept.  In fact at less than I do now, there were many times when I did look at me and weep.  My  view of this weight on the way up was disgust.  On the way down, I seem far less repugnant.  I am still overweight, I still have a BMI approaching obesity, I know I could lose another 20 pounds at least, but I don't see what I would have seen a few years ago - Jabba the Hutt, I see a reasonably  attractive woman with a few extra pounds.

I am sure I feel so positive now because my negative radar has had so many years of picking up every tiny fault in my appearance and magnifying it a thousand times.  The bathrooms at work have huge full-length mirrors, every time I walked in there I would notice how my clothes tented out around my hips, the lack of waist, bulging stomach, fat face.  Because I zoomed in on them automatically, I notice the changes quite keenly.  I hope to hold on the positive self-image and the confidence - whatever the outcome of the diet is.